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***
- Sorry, sir, the President says there's a galaxy-class ship trapped in the cloud layer and... well, we have to let it land.
- Or?
- Well... or it'll crash, sir.
- Oh. Well, it's a kind of landing, isn't it?
***
- Ah! Yes, blimey. Sorry! Christmas Eve on a rooftop, saw a chimney, my whole brain just went, "What the hell!" Don't worry, fat fella will be doing the rounds later. I'm just scoping out the general... chimney-ness. Yes. Nice size, good traction... big tick!
- Fat fella?
- Father Christmas, Santa Claus... or, as i've always known him, Jeff.
***
- Ooh! Now, what's this? And i love this, a big flashy lighty thing - that's what brought me here. Big flashy lighty things have got me written all over them. Not actually, but give me time and a crayon.
***
- Who's she?
- Nobody important.
- Nobody important? Blimey, that's amazing. Do you know, in 900 years of time and space, i've never met anyone who wasn't important before.
***
Now, this console is the key to saving that ship, or i'll eat my hat... If i had a hat. I'll eat someone's hat. Not someone who's using their hat - i don't want to shock a nun, or something.
***
- What? What do you want?
- A simple life. But you didn't hit the boy.
- Well, i will next time!
- No, you see, you won't. Now why? What am i missing?
- Get out! Get out of this house!
- The chairs! Of course, the chairs! Stupid me, the chairs!
- The chairs?
- There's a portrait on the wall behind me. Looks like you, but it's too old, so it's your father. All the chairs are angled away from it. Daddy's been dead for twenty years. But you still can't get comfortable where he can see you. There's a Christmas tree in the painting, but none in this house, on Christmas Eve. You're scared of him and you're scared of being like him. And good for you, you're not like him, not really. Do you know why?
- Why?
- Because you didn't hit the boy. Merry Christmas, Mr Sardick.
- I despise Christmas!
- You shouldn't. It's very you.
- It's what? What do you mean?
- Halfway out of the dark.
***
Amy: Have you got a plan yet?
Doctor: Yes, i do.
Amy: Are you lying?
Doctor: Yes, i am.
Amy: Don't treat me like an idiot.
Rory: Was he lying?
Amy: No, no.
***
- OK, the good news. I've tracked the machine that unlocks the cloud belt. I could use it to clear you a flight corridor and you could land easily.
- Oh, hey, hey, that's great news.
- But i can't control the machine.
- Less great.
- But i've met a man who can.
- Ah, well, there you go!
- And he hates me.
- Were you being extra charming and clever?
- Yeah, how did you know?
- Lucky guess.
***
- Doctor, the Captain says we've got less than an hour... What should we be doing?
- Fish!
- Sorry, what?
- Fish that can swim in fog. I love new planets.
- Doctor! Doctor, please don't get distracted!
***
- Oh, i wouldn't bother calling your servants, they quit. Apparently they won the lottery at exactly the same time, which is a bit lucky when you think about it.
- There isn't a lottery.
- Yeah, as i say, lucky.
***
- Who are you?
- Hi. I'm the Doctor. I'm your new babysitter.
- Where's Mrs Mantovani?
- Oh, you'll never guess! Clever old Mrs Mantovani, she only went and won the lottery!
- There isn't any lottery!
- There isn't any lottery. I know. What a woman!
***
- If you're my babysitter, why are you climbing in the window?
- Cos if i was climbing out, i'd be going in the wrong direction.
***
Do you know, there's a thing called a face spider. It's just like a tiny baby's head with spider legs, and it's specifically evolved to scuttle up the backs of bedroom cupboards... which, yeah, i probably shouldn't have mentioned.
***
- Right, so what are we going to do? Eat crisps and talk about girls? I've never actually done that, but I bet it's easy. Girls! Yeah?
- Are you really a babysitter?
- I think you'll find i'm universally recognised as a mature and responsible adult.
*показывает психо-бумагу*
- It's just a lot of wavy lines.
- Yeah, it's shorted out. Finally, a lie too big.
***
- OK, no, not really a babysitter, but it's Christmas Eve. You don't want a real one, you want me.
- Why? What's so special about you?
- Have you ever seen Mary Poppins?
- No.
- Good. Cos that comparison would've been rubbish.
***
- Fish in the fog, fish in the clouds. How do people ever get bored? How did boredom even get invented?
- My dad's invented a machine to control the cloud belt. Tame the sky, he says. The fish'll be able to come down, but only when we let them. We can charge whatever we like.
- Tame the sky... Human beings, you always manage to find the boring alternative, don't you?
***
- You want to see one? A fish. We can do that. We can see a fish.
- Aren't you going to tell me it's dangerous?
- Dangerous?! Come on, we're boys! And you know what boys say in the face of danger?
- What?
- Mummy!
***
- Are there any face spiders in here?
- Nah, not at this time of night. They'll all be sleeping in your mattress.
***
- So why are you so interested in fish?
- Cos they're scary.
- Good answer.
***
- What kind of tie is that?
- A cool one.
***
- Doctor, are you sure?
- Trust me.
- OK.
- Oi! Eyes on the tie. Look at me. I wear it and I don't care. Trust me?
- Yes.
- Yes. That's why it's cool.
***
- What colour is it?
- Big. Big colour.
***
- What's happening?
- Well, concentrating on the plusses, you've definitely got a story of your own now. Also, i got a good look at the fish, and i understand the fog, which'll help me land a spaceship in the future, and save lives. And i'll get some readings off my sonic screwdriver when i get it off the shark.
- There's a shark in my bedroom?
- Oh, fine, focus on that part!
***
- I didn't want to kill it.
- She was trying to eat you.
- She was hungry.
***
- Why are these people here? What's all this for?
- My dad lends money. He always takes a family member as... He calls it security.
- Hard man to love, your dad. But i suppose you know that.
***
- It's not really the singing, of course.
- Yes, it is.
- Nah.
- The fish love the singing, it's true.
- Nah. The notes resonate in the ice, causing a delta wave pattern in the fog. Ow! A fish bit me.
- Shut up, then!
- Of course! That's how the machine controls the cloud belt. The clouds are ice crystals. If you vibrate them at the right frequency, you could align them... Ow! Why do they keep biting me?
- Look, the fish like the singing, OK? Now shut up!
- OK.
***
- It's bigger on...
- ...the inside. Yeah, it's the colour. Really knocks the walls back.
***
- Abigail's crying.
- Yes.
- When girls are crying, are you supposed to talk to them?
- I have absolutely no idea.
***
- Pick a card, any card at all. Memorise the card, put it back in the deck. Don't let me see it. The three of clubs.
- No.
- You sure? I'm very good at card tricks.
- It wasn't the three of clubs.
- Well, of course it wasn't, because it was the seven of diamonds!
- No.
- Oi, stop it, you're doing it wrong.
***
- Doctor! I, er, i think she's going to kiss me.
- Yeah, i think you're right.
- I've never kissed anyone before. What do i do?
- Well... try and be all nervous and rubbish and a bit shaky.
- Why?
- You'll be like that anyway. Make it part of the plan. Off you go, then!
- What, now? I kiss her now?
- Kazran, it's this or go to your room and design a new kind of screwdriver. Don't make my mistakes. Now, go!
***
Guys, we've really got to go quite quickly. I just accidentally got engaged to Marilyn Monroe. How do you keep going like that? Do you breathe out your ears? Hello? Sorry, hello? Guys, she's phoned a chapel, there's a car outside, this is happening now. Right, fine, thank you. I'll just go and get married then, shall i? See how you like that!
***
Yes, what? Oh, Mr President, we've been through this! It's not going to crash on my house, so what's it got to do with me? Yes, I know. 4,003. As a very old friend of mine once took a very long time to explain, life isn't fair.
***
Amy: Hello!
Kazran: Who are you? What are you doing here?
Amy: Didn't think this was over, did you? I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present.
Kazran: A ghost? Dressed like that?
Rory: Eyes off the skirt.
Kazran: You turned into a Roman.
Amy: Yeah. I do that.
***
- He's changed my past. My whole life!
- Time can be rewritten.
- You tell the Doctor, tell him from me, people can't.
***
- Nobody has to die.
- Everybody has to die.
- Not tonight.
- Tonight's as good as any other. How do you choose?
***
Better a broken heart than no heart at all.
***
- Why are you here?
- Cos i'm not finished with you yet. You've seen the past, the present... and now you need to see the future.
- Fine! Do it! Show me! I'll die cold, alone and afraid. Of course i will, we all do! What difference does showing me make? Do you know why i'm going to let those people die? It's not a plan. I don't get anything from it. It's just that I don't care. I'm not like you. I don't even want to be like you! I don't and never, ever will care!
- And I don't believe that.
***
- Oh, he did it. The Doctor did it.
- Yeah, he gets all the credit. Which is actually fair enough, if you think about it.
***
- You know, that could almost be mistaken for a real person. The snowman isn't bad, either.
- Ah, yes, you two! About time! Why are you dressed like that?
- Ah, kind of lost our luggage. Kind of crash landed.
- Yeah, but why are you dressed like that at all?
- They really love their snowmen around here. I've counted about twenty.
***
- Got any more honeymoon ideas?
- There's a moon that's made of actual honey. Well, not actual honey. And it's not actually a moon. And technically, it's alive and a bit carnivorous, but there are some lovely views.
***
Everything has to end some time, otherwise nothing would ever get started.
***
- Your phone was ringing. Someone called Marilyn. Actually sounds like THE Marilyn. Doctor?
- Tell her i'll phone her back. And that was never a real chapel.
***
- Where are they? Kazran and Abigail.
- Off on a little trip, I should think.
- Where?
- Christmas.
- Christmas?
- Yeah, Christmas. Halfway out of the dark.